All Saints Day

All Saints Day Feast

As a teacher in a Catholic school for many years, I loved celebrating All Saints Day with my students at school, so once my own children came along, we wanted to observe it well in our home too. We talked about it when my first-born was small, but it wasn’t until he turned four that we really began to observe this holy day.

My family’s first All Saints Day dinner was November 2012, the year my sister passed away. Still in the absolute throes of grief, I felt that nothing I did to acknowledge her absence was enough, but yet I felt I must do ALL THE THINGS to acknowledge her. It felt disloyal to her to miss even one opportunity to do something around her absence – she died so young, just 31, and I physically ached with missing her.

So, I planned a dinner a for All Saints Day that included foods Sissy loved, especially our Daddy’s biscuits, her favorite Brussels sprouts and the carrot cake from The Grit that she always made for special occasions. We decorated with her many saint books, as she had a special affinity for saints, and we put up her beloved owl décor everywhere!

Within the 18 months that followed my sister’s death, both of my precious grandmothers passed away and even my sweet little dog did too. It was a hard, HARD season of life.

As the now-only child, I carried my own grief missing these loved ones, but I also carried my parents’ grief. Not because they asked me to, but because often when people we love are suffering, it hurts us too. The weight of so much loss was hard on everyone, so I channeled as much as I could into gratitude for these loved ones and honoring their memory.

As our All Saints feast dinner developed, we included Mimi’s famous mac and cheese casserole, Memaw’s delish pork tenderloin, and Miller Lite for my husband’s late father, Pat. Our children were now school age, which means they began to have an activity schedule that we had to work around. From this new season of life came our latest addition to All Saints Day – the snack feast!  We have added St. Isidore’s (candy) pumpkins, St. Francis’ animals (crackers), St. Bernadette’s firewood (pretzels), St. James’ fish (both gold and Swedish), St. Juan Diego’s salsa, St. Gabriel’s trumpets (bugles) and this year I think we’ll add St. Cecelia’s piano keys (wafer cookies and Hershey sections). This way, we can observe All Saints Day on the actual day and then if we need to move our special family-recipes Saints celebration to another night, it’s easy to do.

Some people leave an empty chair for family members who are missed; at this point, we would have nearly a full table of empty chairs so for us, lighting a candle is more logical. We decorate our table still with Sissy’s saint books, saint medals from Mimi, pictures of favorite saints, and a candle for each family member who would be present with us if they were still of this earth.

My daddy Steve passed away in 2018, and unsurprisingly his biscuits are the number one thing the kids want to have in our Saints dinner. Of course, the trouble is, nobody makes biscuits like Stevie did. I make them well enough, but only he could make them with the nuances of perfection as someone who had made them for years and years. We have grown to love our family’s way of liturgical living at home – with food, just the way these loved ones would have enjoyed too!

Am I the Grief Girl?

May is that perfect storm for me. Busy-busy-busy, which is my drug of choice. When I’m very busy, I don’t have time to ponder what I’m missing or what I’m upset about. I can be “stressed” by having to be in too many places at once, rather than angry because I'm missing another precious family member.  I can be grouchy about not having any time to decompress, instead of grieving because my daddy and my sister are not here for my daughter's first communion, or my son's birthday, and my children are missing out. 

May is a bit of sunshine, and a lot of sting. May is birthdays, special days, celebration days like end of season parties, class parties, awards celebrations, field days and yearbooks and birthday parties. May is days that other people treasure, but that bring mixed feelings of sadness and injustice for me, like Mother’s Day. May is gray days, crapiversaries, dark black holes of sadness with no floor in sight. My sister died suddenly on Mother’s Day, and my dad died suddenly after my son’s birthday, who was named for him. 

I always say grief and gratitude are a balance, a discipline that must be learned and practiced regularly. It’s true, but the thing is, you so rarely arrive at “coasting” – that point where it’s a little easier, more routine.

When my sister’s death at 31 left us all in shock and disbelief, I found a group I could join as a way to work through my grief. It was an incredible blessing, this Grief Share group. 

 I remember one piece of advice from that season which resonated with me right away: don’t let grief become your identity. Don’t let this define you. Don’t allow this event in your life to become what you’re known for from now on. Grief and loss will always be  part of the fabric of who you are – but don’t let it be your marquee title.

This is admirable, and wise. We are more than our feelings, that is important. However…grief keeps finding me. Death keeps catching up with me. My beloved little dog, both dear grandmothers within 6 months of each other, and now my daddy – all within a span of a few years. I’m wondering if, in fact, grief IS to be my identity. 

Ladies Lunch!

With brother already back at school super early, Little Miss and I had plenty of time to do some girl things before heading back in for pre-planning. Since I am a teacher, she goes back to school when I do to set up my classroom, but her actual class does not start for a couple more weeks. Pre-planning is totally NOT her favorite, but more on that later…

We have a few back to school traditions for each child. There’s Mr. Dude’s Waffle House breakfast, and for LM we revived a favorite childhood tradition of my own! 

Growing up, I went to a small private school and there was only one place to buy uniforms back then (pre-online shopping! Gasp). Since the uniform shop was in Buckhead, my mom would take me and my sister to the Swan Coach House for a lovely lunch after we were outfitted with all of our uniforms. It was a once-a-year treat and we LOVED it! The Swan Coach House is an Atlanta institution, and the site of many a ladies’ coffee and bridesmaid’s luncheon—mine included. I can still remember ordering the frozen fruit salad when I was a little girl, and feeling so grown-up and posh having lunch there!

My mom and I took LM for her first visit to the Swan Coach House, and naturally she relished having a “fancy lunch”! Of course, she pretty much only ate the frozen fruit salad, but she was very taken by the lovely table setting, the beautiful bathroom, and of course the shop. She found quite a few things in the shop for herself, but she only left with a to-go box of muffins this time J

Doing special one-on-one outings with each child is something we don’t always have a lot of time to do, but they really love it so much, I really do try to make it happen whenever we can.

What fun ideas have you done for a memorable time with each kiddo?

On The Nightstand

My nightstand usually holds at least four books that I’m reading at any given time. Often this includes something new, an old favorite to re-read, some kind of prayer book, and some type of journal or planner. 

Years ago, my sister gave me a prayer book she had finished called Sacred Space. At the time I simply flipped through it, but didn’t really delve into it until this year; three years since she has been gone. How precious that book is to me, I’ll share another time. For my birthday, I received this year’s version of Sacred Space and y’all, let me tell you how much I am loving it!

For a person who has always known prayer, I have also always struggled to stay focused in prayer. This book has a prayer pattern for each day and week, with weekly themes and daily readings correlating to our liturgical calendar. Most importantly for me, there are beautifully written-yet brief-reflections for each day of prayer. I absolutely love how much I get out of using this book! I won’t say that I am now a completely disciplined meditator in prayer, but what a difference this framework makes for me!It brings a little sunshine to my day to have a clearer direction and focus for praying.

The book is published by the Irish Jesuits, and each year a new edition comes out. I’m thinking the 2016 edition might find its way into my stocking this Christmas :)

Is there something that helps you focus your prayers, too?

Back to School: Round 1

Back to school: Round 1

Are we really headed back to school this first week in August?! It’s been a fun and full summer, with lots of lazy mornings and fun adventures, and I must say I’m not quite ready for it to end. When it’s time to start a new school year, we like to celebrate the new chapter in our children’s lives with a few simple and easy things. Our Waffle House tradition began back when Mr. Dude (MD) was starting kindergarten; after the kindergarten bus-ride-along early in the morning before the first day, it seemed anticlimactic to just go home! So we went to have a special breakfast at a southern favorite, Waffle House. Now, each year on the last “school day” before school begins, MD and I go to an early breakfast at Waffle House and he can order whatever he wants.

For meet and greet day, I’m usually bouncing between volunteer duties and Mama duties, taking him to his new class, but we always make a point to choose a small gift for his new teacher to bring in either to meet & greet or on the first day of school. It’s not expensive, it gives MD an opportunity to be thoughtful, and it allows us to express our appreciation to his new teacher for all of the work I know she has already put into this class, before she’s even met them!

(As the class theme is "Rays Of Sunshine" this year--love it!!--MD helped me paint a little plaque for the classroom. It was still in progress here!)

On the big day, we love to get up early and make an extra-yummy breakfast—this year it was banana and cinnamon pancakes! The obligatory “first day of X grade” picture is taken on the front porch, the backpack is packed with a special lunch and a sweet note (but not too sweet, you know, manly still) and plenty of the most healthy snacks I’ll make all year, and then we’re off!

Since our family has one more (precious!) year in the season with one in elementary school and one in preschool, Sister doesn’t get to start school as early as Mr.Dude. I make some special plans for her so she doesn’t feel too lonely, but of course it can’t be TOO special or brother will be upset that he missed it! Today it was free time on their shared leap pad, making brownies to share with MD after school, and having a playdate with another friend still in preschool.

What do you to commemorate "back to school" time?